Journal 3
by dramione1603
Summary: But what if the reason he was so terrible to Hermione wasn't because of her blood? What if he loved her and he had brought them back in time to make sure that she didn't die that night in the Manor? What if her death was all his fault? And what if this is the third time he's tried? A sequence of Dramione letters written from Draco to Hermione.
1. September 1, 1998

Dear Granger,

September 1, 1998

When I saw you on the train this morning, I was thrilled.

As soon as I had figured out that I had brought us back four months too early, that I would have to wait to see you again for that long, I could barely come out of my room. My parents tried to coax me with tanned Island girls as concubines (in reward for finally taking my rightful place in the Dark Lord's inner circle), but my heart lies with you, my love, always. Besides, none of them are as beautiful as you.

You were already standing with Weaselbee and Potter, laughing at their jokes as you used to laugh at mine. Now all I have to remember our time together is lovely memories, beautiful pictures, and your Time-Turner. I feel like that's not enough, but then I remember that you have nothing, and I think that I'm being selfish.

I will try to keep my distance because if I do not, the inevitable will happen. If I fail, your Time-Turner will see the light of day again - I promise.

Love,

 **D.M.**

* * *

I'm going to try and do a letter a day. No promises to keep, I've never done this whole "chapter" story thing. So please, bear with me!

cookie


	2. October 21, 1998

Dear Granger,

October 21, 1998

I came across a boggart yesterday.

The potions essay was incredibly long and, of course, I procrastinated it to the last minute. I know that you already finished it a week before it was due, love, because you are amazing in that way. That was why I was not able to write to you yesterday. But I'm here now, princess, and I'm never leaving again.

Do you remember when Professor Lupin taught us how to get rid of boggarts in third year? And do you remember how whenever I was mad at anyone, I would say,"my father will hear about this" in the most haughty way possible? Well, the reason I resisted the lesson was because I already knew what my boggart was. It was my greatest fear; I didn't have to see a boggart to know what it would be. Back then, my boggart was my father.

But now, I have a new fear — my boggart is you, love. First, you smile at me and say my name with love instead of hatred. But when you walk towards me, it's as if an invisible light switch turns off, and you can't see me.

All I can see in my nightmares is you, crying out my name in terror, while you flail your arms blindly.

Love,

 **D.M.**


	3. November 17, 1998

Dear Granger,

November 17, 1998

Today you looked at me across the Great Hall. I think you caught me staring at you, and you thought that I was judging you. But I wasn't - I was looking at your beautiful eyes. They are hazel, with a bit more brown than green.

We had an argument yesterday in Potions, and you brought up the time I called you "mudblood". I was surprised at first, but then I told you to never call yourself that. You were shocked, and you remained silent for the rest of class. I didn't know what I had done wrong. Just now, I figured out what I did. I called you Hermione. I'm so sorry, love — I told you that I would stay away.

The Yule Ball is this year. Dumbledore hasn't announced it yet; he just announced the competitors for the Triwizard Tournament. Whenever I see you now, you are conflicted between Potter and Weasley, deciding which to side with in their stupid argument. I have seen it three times before and it still pains me; how I cannot help you, how I cannot comfort you.

Last time around, I asked you to the Ball, and you accepted. It was a fatal mistake, and I shall not make it again. Don't get me wrong - being your date to the Yule Ball was amazing, love, but Krum can sweep you off your feet for one night if it means you survive.

Love,

 **D.M.**


	4. December 25, 1998

A/N Sorry I didn't upload yesterday, so thanks for continuing to read!

Dear Granger,

December 25, 1998

I just got back from the Yule Ball. I had heard rumors about how beautiful you were going to be, but I had thought that you would wear what you have worn these past few times. You surprised me, love; a feat that rarely happens.

You looked so beautiful - I tried to keep up my usual "I hate you" facade, but you make it so difficult. I fear that I will never be able to look at you again without seeing you in the blue dress that I sent to you.

Krum danced with you the entire night, and I was unable to look away. I think that Pansy became concerned with my lack of attention for her, but that's okay with me. She is an annoying girl, who thinks that she should get everything she wants, served on a silver platter. Including me.

But she can't have me, because you, love, already own my heart. I will always love you, even if it takes you years to figure it out. For every time I repeat this, my love for you only grows stronger. If only you could see that, we could be happy like we once were. But I understand that if you learn to follow your heart and love me, you will perish at my hand. So I will continue to stay away, love. Anything for you.

Love,

 **D.M.**


	5. February 24, 1998

Dear Granger,

February 24, 1998

Happy Valentine's Day, love!

Today is a trip to Hogsmeade, which I chose not to participate in. I didn't want to see you walking and laughing with Weasley and Potty, when you used to talk and smile with me. I didn't want to see how happy they were making you. But I realize now that I was being selfish and the fact that I didn't attend seems suspicious. I apologize again for my unforgivable behavior.

But this is becoming unbearable. I am trying my hardest to stay away from you, and so far I have succeeded. Yet, this has been the hardest thing I have done yet. In the past three times that I have lived these years, you have always been by my side by this time.

Even watching you die was easier to cope with than this. Because when you died, I knew that I could just go back in time and reverse it all. I know that I haven't made that happen yet, but I will, love. I promise.

Love,

 **D.M.**


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